CV

Monday blues. I was suppose to write a short essay to complete my CV for my upcoming Industrial Training. But due to my short-attention span, i ended up with a "fan-fiction" version of the real thing.

During my primary school years, I was a lazy boy. I hated school. I always think of ways to prevent myself from stepping foot into that dreaded place. I would pretend to be sick or run to the nearest kedai runcit just as my mom drove off. The reason for this is that I hated every single one of those pathetic life forms which you call classmates. I call them losers. They are a bunch of dumb nitwits that I have ever met in my life. Calling them retarded would be an insult to retarded people. Their IQ could be even compared to a single cell organism. Hence with my superior intelligence, I had a massive advantage over them. All I could recall in primary school was bullying, criticizing, blackmailing, and cheating my fellow classmates. Due to my powerful mind, I aced every puny test with no complications. During Standard 5 and 6, I was given the privilege to become a school dog (prefect) twice, which I declined that offer TWICE (the teachers are also that retarded) because I realized that there are a lot of flat-chested-under-developed-bimbos in my school that time are literally dying to become one of them just to gain popularity and I swore that I would never sunk so low to their standard.

As I reached secondary school, things are as much worst as my primary school. The teacher’s are much more incompetence and the students are blinded with unstable teenage hormones. I was elected to be the Quarter Master while I was studying in Form 3, which this time I did not decline because I can snooze off in the store room during Pendidikan Jasmani. This is way better than becoming a dog. You might have thought that I was not an active student due to my excessive sleeping in the store room. As a matter a fact I was very keen on competitive sports such as “lompat pagar”. No, not the fence that you see in your annual school sports day, but I’m talking about the fence which divided the school compound and the outside world. Even though I had never won a single medal, but I am one of the best in the school. Competing against the ah-bengs in my school had managed to cultivate my self confidence, self management and also showed me the stupidity of the ah-bengs. This is proven as I never got caught before. I was also a school champion in “lompat tembok”. This involved a 2m high brick wall situated behind the school yard which I still hold the school record of 3.5 seconds to clear the wall and make a mad dash to the nearest cyber café.

Upon completing my SPM, I wasted too much of my time lepaking that I forgot to make any effort in finding a college to go to. Hence, coming to MMU was a last-minute thingie. Staying away from home during my pre-u year had thought me many things. I learnt how to be independent, blow smoke-circles with my cigarette, the pleasure of playing truant and the true meaning of life without the constant nagging from my demented parents. I was not as active as I was as a teenage kid during my MMU years. To me, after the age of 20 would be a time when you start growing sideways instead of up ways and physical activities should be reduced. These tender moments should be spend drinking beer/ getting wasted and playing DOTA. The only working experience I had is working as a sales promoter for ¾ day. Yes, it’s not a typo, ¾ days. This is due to the stuck-up management asking me to leave because of my vibrant hair color of green and gold. They did give me time to have a haircut and come back to work but I decided to choose option B instead. Which was to show the biggest middle finger that I’ve ever shown right in the face of the manager and wished him and his “hamka” (Cantonese for whole family) a very healthy and prosperous future ahead. Therefore I hope to be working for your company to gain more exposure in the working world without any complications………… or a broken arm or leg.

So, what do you think? Do you think i have a shot if i really send this in?